11 Things we should not say to our kids if we want them to be successful and happy
Parenting is definitely a kind of a roller coaster ride which does not usually come with safety belts. And while most of the parents out there are doing their very best just to raise happy and successful individuals, there will always be some flaws which makes that beautiful imperfection of parenting usually is.
Nevertheless, caring for your children also means informing yourself all the time of whatever they are doing and adjusting the way you used to live in order to better fit for the needs of your child. Everything that you are doing and about to do seems to always riddled with imperfections which are there to make parents feel a lot better and to learn from them, as well.
Fortunately, psychologists have been constantly working on helping parents in order to enhance their parenting skills and experiences and have provided them some very useful and beneficial information that every parent could use in their practices and in dealing with their children and own issues in life.
While there are a lot of things that people needs to do as parents, there are also things that they should not definitely do or, in some cases, things that they should not say. In this article, we will be sharing to you 11 things that you should not say to your kids if you want them to grow with a happy life and to help them in becoming successful and strong.
1. “Big boys/girls do not get scared.”
Fear is among other negatively-perceived emotions, is a valid kind of state that naturally happens to anyone. As a result, teaching your child that fear is a kind of things that they should conceal deep inside them is like telling them that it is finds to run away from all of their fears instead of understanding, knowing and facing them courageously. Older people get scared, as well. So, why children should be exempted from this?
2. “Stop crying right now!”
Crying is one of the best known forms of expressing the emotion of a person, just like laughter is. And refuting your child the ability to do so by teaching them that crying is integrally ‘wrong’ simply means that you are educating them to suppress important emotions that should be shown. This kind of emotional suppression can actually lead to severe and serious psychological complications. Why don’t you construct a healthy way to cope up with them, instead?
As an alternative, tell them that it is just okay to cry if they want to and ask them what they are feeling and why they are feeling this kind of emotion.
3. “I am disappointed in you!”
It is true that there are times where children make decisions that do not reach your expectations, and it is just a natural thing that you may be feeling a little disappointed in these kinds of situations. Nonetheless, saying that you are feeling disappointed about them openly can actually result to a kind of belief in your child that the love that you have for them is conditional.
The feeling of a child that they are failing to reach the expectations that you have as their parent eventually leaves them questioning whether they are good enough and it can be painful and distressing for the confidence that they have as a kid.
As a matter of fact, we all make mistakes and instead of showing how disappointed you are to your child, discuss the things that they have done which makes you upset and tell what is wrong so that they may understand you and they won’t feel so bad after all.
4. “You are a bad kid!”
There are no ‘good’ and ‘bad’ children in the world, but there is what we call good and bad behavior. While it is really essential that you should pay attention to their behavior and point out all of the negative habits that they have, this is by no means an indicator of the ‘goodness’ that your child owns.
Labeling your child as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ can be easily replaced with the classification of what are the things that they have done as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, while telling them this kind of behavior might affect them or those people that surrounds them- and it is the best and the healthiest approach that you could actually do that may result to excellent endings.
5. “I will never forgive you!”
This is a type of phrase that may easily slip in a fit of anger, and it is the exact words that may haunt the mind of your child in all of the wrong ways that they have done. Of course, the intentions that you have are to just correct the behavior that they have and to understand the consequences that it can bring.
Nonetheless, giving them the kind of idea that whatever they have done cannot be forgiven can be definitely traumatizing to the young, innocent and gentle mind of a child. As a substitute, just take a deep breath and converse with them the behavior while setting expectations for them in order to make up for what they have done.
6. “Here, let me do it.”
You know to yourself that your child does not have the ability to do things in a perfect way, even with or without your help. And sometimes it can get so frustrating that you find it a lot easier to do the things that they should be doing. While you, on the other hand, think that this is a win-win situation, however, the truth is that everybody loses in this kind of situation.
By simply finishing the task that they should be doing is like denying them of the learning and opportunity it offers, thus making them incapable of ever completing it. Assistance does not mean you have to their job; all you have to do is to be there for them, give them a helping hand that they need. Just support them all the way and be patient with them.
7. “You are not _____ enough.”
Add any kind of word here, and the effect that it has in the mind of your child will always be the same and it will never change. They will simply think that they are not good enough for anything. In the hopes to foster thins kind of habit, trait or behavior, this expression will do only the opposite.
As a matter of fact, saying these words to your child will only affect the way they see themselves as an individual. Encourage, motivate and build them up instead of tearing them down.
8. “Because I said so.”
One of the most used phrases in the world of parenting and is known as very cliché which most of parents always use whenever they are pressed for time. At the same time, this is one of those phrases that need to be eliminated from the vocabulary of people in any kind of given situations.
Without providing any reason, you are not only discouraging them to truly explain and understand why they should be acting that way, but you are also depriving them of creating a healthy decision making patterns that they should be learning at this age.
Take a few seconds of your time and give them realistic reasons because you know that there is one.
9. “You are worthless!”
This may be the worst of the entire worst thing that you can say to your child. While it is an obvious fact for a lot of parents, there are still some that needs to know how important this is. Children build their self-worth and value based on the validation and approval of their parents, and this type of negative validation is something that can totally destroy the way they see themselves.
Tearing your child up with this kind of expression and making them think that they will never measure up, needless to say, is a very wrong approach. Making them understand that there is no single person in this world that is perfect is essential, shoving their imperfections in their mind as the only thing that defines them is devastating and heart breaking.
10. “I do everything for you!”
Of course, you do and will always do because it is your role as a parent. Providing for your child, giving all of their needs, protecting them and caring for them until they are mature and old enough to become independent is what parenting really is, therefore, you should never hold this kind of responsibility against your child.
Imposing the kind of idea that they owe you because you are their parent it completely wrong because it is not their responsibility to carry unless they choose to do so.
11. “Do not worry, everything will be fine.”
This is seemingly an innocent kind of phrase that a lot of parents use as a means of giving encouragement, motivation and support to their children is one that could be actually disadvantageous to their growth and development.
As a matter of fact, this phrase translates into a message that encourages your child to let go of their concerns about things that are happening around them. Let them understand and be knowledgeable that their concerns are valid and make sure that you are always there for them in case of an emergency or if something bad happens.